im not awake
Despite what the title says, I am awake.
Though, I’ve been forced awake abruptly due to a stomach pain like many other I’ve had. Slow to start, incredibly painful to pass, but ultimately solvable through classic and conventional means - the latter point i’m very thankful for.
A friend of mine has issues like these, though they aren’t solvable by him through something as simple as a trip to the restroom, regardless of how many hours he spends there. He has my eternal condolences.
I’m having a bad one today, unfortunately. Utilizing all techniques I can for a simple and clean porcelain movement has still not been enough to retain what little comfort I could in a moment like this.
It all comes down to the mental game, once again. The train of thought, tumbled and derailed by an overflowing reminder of pain and discomfort. What was once stimulated positively by external sensations is now tortured by those same sights and sounds and feelings.
Until it is over. Until my legs can no longer bend on their own, and my head throbs with flow as I raise it from where it hangs.
Things return to normal, normal, and I return to my futon scarred but living.
I know it sounds dramatic, but sometimes it gets so bad that I lose my lunch from the other end due to the intense pain. Just horrible.
Another day passes, the clock strikes 12 and we are born again for whatever task we have ensigned ourself to.