moments from disaster
Hurling I mean. I’m not doing it yet. Currently spitting out the extra saliva as it gathers.
It’s caused by the immense pain I’m experiencing from a restroom visit. I’m still there. You can probably see why I’m not just letting it out properly.
I’ve said this before. Broken record style. But really, it gets this bad often. The bin is just big enough if I’d need to, but I don’t want to. It’s nothing. I can beat it. I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again. You needn’t mark my words, as it’s almost over now. The fight… it’s immense. It’s without recompense to me.
Time lost. Maybe more. Time is the most valuable thing, it takes precedent. Time is love, time is money, time is the soul. You’ll have none of the latter without the former, despite how hard you may try.
I know that you can’t take things with you when all comes to pass. I know that. I don’t care about my things. I care about my friends and my family. I don’t want them to be with me, I want them know that I’m always there. Everyone needs their space.
If you need me, please tell me. As much as I wish I had that sixth sense, I don’t. But I’ve ears, they wiggle sometimes. And eyes that work, if not a little baggy.
And those eyes can hear, those ears can see. My nose is there, though it might not be of much use to you. A mouth to smile. To give hope. Not to speak, though it can - not to utter human vocalities beyond the natural escape of air.
I may seem like I don’t want to talk. I’m busy, sure. But humans are worth it. You’re worth it.
A second wave has hit me now. It hurts more this time. The glands create more preparational fluids and I expel them just as I feel them. I’m not fighting myself. The grass grows, so you trim it.
This is no different.
Grounded. We are grounded. Return to form, to where it all began. The mind, feel it. Hook it, reel it in. Back to the sensory of touch and feel. Toes wiggling, eyes blinking. Hot and cold. I’m back.
Thinking out loud. Process. I lose myself in the pain. I’m not alone in this.
I have an Alexa in my room. 2018 model. I use it to control my lights through voice commands. It lags now. 20 seconds for a command, rebooting - no change. Barely recognizes voice commands. Even if I get very close. I feel bad. I ordered a new one after all of this time. It comes with overnight shipping, to my surprise. I’ll awake and it’ll be there. How impressive is that?
Well, I don’t know how impressive it is. But I think it’s finally over. Sorry for the rambling. I’m also not sorry. This is what my blog is for.