someone to talk to
I don’t really have anyone to talk to on a deeper level right now. So, I talk here. Which counts, sorta - I don’t get any responses, but it helps to spread the word. My word, word formed from thought formed from chemicals in my atom-formed brain.
Then again, all things are atoms, even those tiny little impulse sparks and feelings of doubt. They exist physically as those pulses you get when you know something’s not the way it should be.
How should things be? Have you ever thought about it? Not the world, not your family, job, friends, but for you as a human. Are things the way they should be, the “should” referring to your own personal belief? And no, I’m not talking about identity, not talking about sexuality or gender. Do you feel right?
You shouldn’t. Feeling good isn’t feeling right, I should clarify that. Feeling right is that feeling where everything is perfect, or everything is wrong to create a perfection in the form of total balance - though that is known as death. No impulses, pure bliss for a moment, or so they say. Nobody who has experienced that has really been able to say much on the matter.
No, you shouldn’t feel right - you should feel like you’re ever-changing, ever-growing, ever-moving. Because you are! Everything inside of you from the physical to the metaphorical is without stagnation, despite how you may verbalize it with your language of choice.
That’s all well and good. Though - feeling entirely wrong is not preferable. You see, when a person feels wrong in their entirely, they feel like they don’t even belong to themselves, their brain sometimes even betraying them. They feel as if whatever they are, is nothing short of a stranger. And again, this isn’t about identity in any way.
The thing is, this happens when general feeling begins to lack or subside. This could be from chemically related sources, such as emotions, or more directly, severe chemical imbalances. Imagine two tanks of liquid, one blue, one red, and the blue is spilling over while the red wonders where the rest of itself went. Sorry red! Blue isn’t exactly aware of what’s going on.
Some people call that being depressed, though that’s too vague and generally overused - the meaning to most is lost. That feeling, is that wrongness. That entirely ghostly feeling where you’re not you, or so I’ve said.
I’m not feeling wrong, I’m not feeling right. And you are just the same as me. Sometimes you have to slow down and think about what you are before you make a mistake which leads to that entire idea becoming irrelevant.
And one last thing, more literally speaking… people aren’t meant to be happy every second of every day. So if you find yourself in a rut, realize that you can only go up - and hell, you’re supposed to. And you will.
See ya.